When I was making the mosaic “Breaking into Life”, my hope was to capture some of my story, especially my journey of coming into peace and freedom.
I remember clearly the day, quite a few years ago, when I had a very frank and honest conversation with God. Maybe the most honest I’d had up to this point. I was feeling quite frustrated and hopeless, and was afraid I would never come out from under the anxiety and fear that plagued me. I hated how these emotions felt, and how they affected my connection with those I loved, especially my husband and kids.
That day I allowed myself to feel the deep anger I had suppressed – not understanding why I felt so bad, and why I couldn’t find a way to peace. Jesus’ words, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”, came to mind. I realized in that moment that I had discounted this promise of His, along with so many other statements in the Bible like “and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”, and “may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”. It felt risky, but so necessary, to finally express to the God of the universe, the Creator, my greatest fears and hopes. I cried out to Him and told Him that He said He came to bring life, and not just life, but “life to the full”. I told Him that inside I felt that I was just surviving, not connecting with truly living, or even being close to experiencing this promise of fullness. If He was truly real and who the Bible said He was, I wasn’t willing to continue to ignore these promises and claims of peace beyond understanding, overflowing hope, and so much more. In some ways I was saying I that wanted all or nothing.
When I finished, I waited… fearing rejection, anger, maybe even a lightning strike. Instead, I felt the beginnings of hope – that He heard me, was wanting me to honestly share how I felt, and that He would show me a way towards peace and life. It didn’t happen instantly, but this was a turning point for me of asking and beginning to believe – that His promises are true, and that He has the power to provide peace, healing and freedom. In the days ahead, He provided encounters with Him that started me on the journey of “Breaking into Life” and truly tasting life to the full.
(John 10:10, Philippians 4:7, Romans 15:13)